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You just found out you’re pregnant unexpectedly, and now you’re scared of telling the wrong person, at the wrong time, in the wrong way. You might even wonder if it’s better to keep it a secret because the thought of telling anyone is too overwhelming. When you can barely manage your own feelings about this, how can you be expected to manage someone else’s, too? How can you handle questions you don’t have answers to yet? How can you deal with judgment when you’re already worried about your future? We’ll walk you through who to talk to first when you find out you’re pregnant in college, but a big takeaway is that there’s no perfect order, and you’re allowed to go at your own pace.
Before you tell anyone… The first person you tell about your unplanned pregnancy doesn’t have to be the most important person in your life. The first person you tell can simply be the safest. You also don’t have to tell everyone at once. It’s okay to take small steps, and sometimes that means finding one person you trust to help you take the next small step. If finding the answers to all your questions and making decisions about your future feels too overwhelming, that’s what your support system is for. You don’t have to figure it all out before you tell anyone. Who should you tell first? If you’re trying to decide who to tell first about your unexpected pregnancy, you have a few options. The first option is to tell whoever can be emotionally supportive and give you space to process your feelings out loud without being judgmental or getting overly upset. This might be a close friend, sibling, roommate, mentor, or trusted adult. Some signs that this person is a good choice could be that they’ve handled personal information well in the past, they listen more than they lecture, and they respect your autonomy. If you can feel safe being honest with them, and they’re likely to respond with care and discretion in the moment, maybe they’re a good person to tell first (even if they’re not related to you). The second option is to tell a support professional. If you’re scared to tell someone you know, this can be a good first step because it’s confidential, informed, and pressure-free. They’re also likely to focus on resources, options, and practical next steps instead of their own emotions about what you’re going through. If this resonates with you, you might speak with a pregnancy resource center counselor or off-campus pregnancy support organization. The Avi Project has counselors available to support your mental health and help you identify your options. Call or text us any time at 720-386- 6009. It’s completely free and confidential. The third option is to tell your partner. If you’re ready to tell them, they might be your best support. However, not everyone feels safe or ready to tell their partner first. You’re allowed to gather information, talk to people who will be more supportive, or take a few days to adjust to the shock of an unplanned pregnancy. That doesn’t mean you’re being dishonest or unfair. Especially if you’re afraid that they’ll pressure you to make a decision you disagree with, you might need to prepare for such a difficult conversation. Timing matters too. While there won’t ever be a “perfect time” to break the news, you might avoid telling them after a fight, in public, or at the end of an exhausting day. A fourth option is to tell your parents. You might even feel obligated to go straight to your mom or dad, especially if you’re financially dependent on them or you feel like telling them first would be damage control. However, a lot of students worry about having to manage their parents’ emotions about their situation. You might be worried about disappointing them or making them angry. Fortunately, many parents respond with more support than expected; they might be worried about you, they might even feel guilty, but most of all, they love you and want to make sure you and your baby will be okay. Regardless, you don’t have to tell them until you feel ready, and you have freedom to plan what to say, how to say it, and when. Who you don’t have to tell yet. Remember, telling one safe person doesn’t mean you’re telling everyone. Take the first step, and worry later about telling professors, advisors, school administration, social media, and extended family. Here’s a quick guide for when to tell everyone else:
Here are some ideas for how to start the conversation:
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reach us at:
720-386-6009
30772 Southview Dr. Suite 100 Evergreen CO. 80439
reach us at:
720-386-6009
30772 Southview Dr. Suite 100 Evergreen CO. 80439